I'm sorry for how miserable you feel. For whatever reasons, humans come in all types - from angels to devils. This man is not a good person. Unfortunately, people like him are not all that rare. (Though I would say that most humans are not as mean as him.) There's even people way worse than him out there. (Watch the news. Where I live, there's been ongoing stories in the news about people who've murdered children, sometimes there own children.) So please stop being shocked and in a state of disbelief that there are cruel people in this world. Yes, there are. Your cry seems to be that "People shouldn't be that way!" The world is as it is. Going around thinking: "The world should be better, and people should be nicer!" is just refusing to face reality.

You are saying, "I should be able to trust a person, when that person says they care about me and will look out for me." No, daffodil, that's not so. You don't get to decide how things "should" be. You get to choose between facing reality and adjusting to how reality is, or being mad and sad that the world isn't the way you want it to be. You are choosing to be heart-broken that people aren't the way you want them to be.

I'm sorry for the lack of love you've experienced, starting with the rejection you felt from your own family. You did not - and do not - deserve this. What happens to us often has nothing to do with what we deserve. How people treat us often has nothing to do with what we deserve. This man you are with doesn't treat you bad because that's what you deserve. He treats you bad because that's how he is. It may be that he isn't capable of being any different than how he is. He is very warped. I don't know why. It doesn't really matter why. And, at his age, he's not going to change. He is not in this world to be who you need him to be. He is who he is. He is what he is. He is a product of forces that shaped him. And he is shaped foul. People like him exist. Even people worse than him exist.

It would be nice if we could trust whoever wandered into our lives. We can't. We have to do the work of evaluating people and withholding our trust until someone has really earned it. Bad people don't exist just in the 5 o'clock news, where we hear about murderers and people who torture other people for fun. They are walking past us all the time. It's no good to say: "But it shouldn't be that way!" IT is. Our job, as adults, is to realize that and to be discriminating about who we trust. We all get fooled from time to time. But, if I'm getting fooled all the time, then I have to ask myself: "What's wrong with my thinking?" If I take the attitude that I SHOULD be able to trust anyone who tells me I can trust them because that's how it should be, then my life is going to be one long rolling disaster.

You made a mistake trusting this guy. But he did offer you plenty of evidence that he wasn't a good person right from the start of you being around him. You set the bar very low on what you accept. Probably, you grew up in a family environment where you were conditioned to expect very little. That's not your fault. But it's time to reset that bar. You do need help. I believe help is out there. But you have to go to it. You have to go through a process that will likely be tough for a while. Or you can stay where you are, if that seems easier. In the long run, I don't think it is easier. You are never going to change yourself into the person who will earn this guy's love. I don't care how hard you work on your resume and even if you find a job. He says he rejects you because you have faults. That's not what's going on. He makes that up as an excuse. He's not going to come out and say: "I don't love you because I'm a cold reptile who lacks the ability to love." Actually, he's not a reptile. He is a badly warped human being. You are trying to get water out of a dry well.

So, at least, being with him is keeping a roof over your head. Lots of abused women stay with men for just that reason. You can make that choice. You can "follow the path of least resistance." But there's a price to pay for doing that. Maybe that's not how things should be. But it's how things are. People make decent lives for themselves by adjusting to life, as it is. Let go of your notions of how things should be and how people ought to be.