As of late, my six year old daughter has not wanted to see me during my visitation. She has stated she wants to stay with mommy, and this has hurt me deeply. This pain is ineffable and the agony I feel is depleting my hope. Everyone has told me to not take it personally, yet I do. I wish I could see my daughter, but I cannot due to her not wanting to see me. It especially hurt during my birthday, when she didn't even want to call me. I have tried to have her over, but she has bouts of instability and nonstop meltdowns. I do not want to see my daughter suffer. So I let her do what she wants to do and be with her mother. Meanwhile, my isolation and despair ravage my delicate soul.

I do not look forward to this Christmas and am really dreading the holidays. I have even decided to not put up my Christmas tree, since it is only me and my cat. I was hoping to entice my daughter to help daddy with the Christmas tree, but again she has rejected me.

I used to think that having a birthday near Christmas was kind of neat, but this year it is especially harmful to my soft emotions.

I am dejected and in despair....floating....

--Sarc