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Dec 12, 2019, 12:32 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
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Hey @Noname1987 :
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Originally Posted by Noname1987
Seriously, if people knew us they probably wouldn’t jump to being so harsh towards him. I probably framed my post poorly and painted him as some weirdo exhibitionist of me. The “accidental” flashes thing is one small aspect of this whole thing. And it’s like at a bar or something he says I should bend forward so someone could get a peek down. It’s weird, but it’s not like unheard of at a bar where people are looking to pick up women. So I probably should have titled it “ husband wants other men to see me naked” not anything about the “accidental” exposures.
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I do not know if I agree that people are being harsh about what you describe. And lets take personality completely out of the equation. Plenty of people who engage in this type of behavior in a monogamous relationship are great people and partner. I think the concern lies with the fact that you have stated that you do not like it and do not want to participate. If you have said no to your husband about this or talked with him about it being uncomfortable for you then that should settle it. Needling you, bringing it back up and still talking about it is where I think the issue lies. If this was something you two had previously engaged in regularly and then suddenly you were not into it anymore I can see the point in it coming up but no is no as far as I see it.
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And that’s really where my questions are. He wants me (being fully consenting) to let his friends (also fully consenting) see me naked. So people are getting hung up on the “accidental” part and it’s not about that. Like fine, I totally understand that’s no good. I agree. But that’s not my issue, and I’m sorry I framed it wrong.
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But you didnt frame it wrong as I see it- you explained it well. I didnt get hung up on the accidental part of it, I was thinking about you not wanting it and him continuing to pressure you about it.
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It’s the him wanting other guys to see me. Like he wants me to go to a male gyno. Which I’ve never done. It’s not out of the ordinary for many women. But he likes the idea of another guy doing all of that to me.
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To me this is not ok because we are talking about your healthcare. No matter if its a guy or girl or whatever, engaging in that sort of fantasy with someone who is supposed to be a professional medical provider-(even if its one-sided) isn't cool IMO.
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Or he’s booked massages for me and after I find out he requested a male masseur. Then he wants to hear if the guy saw anything extra than he’s supposed to. He just has a thing for other guys seeing me that’s cropped up recently in the last couple of years. And it’s been super gradual. Suggesting more revealing bikinis, then requesting me to stop wearing a bra, dress sexy when we’re going out, all the way to just saying he wants me to let his friends see me naked, or the naked room service thing. So it’s weird, and not what I think almost any other married men would want.
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The whole thing is very manipulating dont you think? If you had a daughter with the exact same situation and marriage what would you say to her?
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But everything about our life and marriage other than this is great. He’s a loving, attentive, engaged husband and father. Divorce is so not even in my mind. Obviously something is driving this kink and I want to find a way to either work through it, or figure out how we fit it into our lives in a mutually acceptable way. Not sure what that looks like, but those are the questions. Oh, and like, why? Like what gets a husband to want to show his wife to other men. That seems so counter to how I know how protective men are of “their women”.
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I have no doubt that you feel he is your best friend and a great husband, and he may be. But you do not want this and he wont let it go- how does that make you feel?
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