Dear T,
I was really hoping you'd decide to come in the Sunday or Monday before Christmas. I know you'll be there the Thursday and part of Friday after (I'm afraid to ask about New Year's Eve Eve), and you deserve a break, and you haven't taken much time at all since the summer. And if I see you Friday (current plan), it's less than a week if I decide to see you the day after Christmas. But it's a really stressful time for me, as you know. (Of course, we talked about childhood and current parent stuff today, too...) And I'm sure you'll likely say it's OK to email, that maybe you'd be just checking/replying once a day, which is totally fine. But I intend to do everything in my power *not* to reach out to you during that time.


Ugh, I feel so pathetic and needy that this is bothering me. Though I suppose it's better you let me know now, rather than early next week, which is when you'd said you'd know for sure. Do I let you know that I'm worried about it? (Though you probably already suspect that.) And that I intend not to contact you, even if you might say it's OK? You deserve a break from me, after all, even though things have been good lately. Because at the end of the day, I'm part of your work.

On the plus side, had a challenging couple hours with D and am feeling sad/worried about this right now, I haven't gone beyond my alcohol limit for the day (not even as one of the cheat days). Part of me wanted to have another beer, but I didn't. So I now have over a week of that under my belt (the one day I had one more, but our goal was 5/7 days, and I met that). Suppose I could have told you that today, but we were busy talking about my parents. (And, I suppose, at one point, socks.)

Love you,
LT

PS--Apparently, cows can in fact sweat, but it's not their main cooling mechanism.