I am increasinly suicidal. Lastnight came very close. I have been depressed for most of my life. I am 63 now.

I am sorry If this isn''t the right category for this, but I don't know quite where belong here. I have some many psych issues, they overwhelm me.I live in Hondoras, but am American. I have been here 2 years. I came to help my ex husband out who was very will, but he moved without telling me, thus abandoning me along in a foreign county. I speak little Spanish. Hondoras is beautiful. I should be happy, but I am not. I want my life over. I was finally able to contact the US Embassy about helping me get home, but realized it would be futile as I would have to pay them aback at least $10,000. I just like on disability. If I go back, yes, I will able to get help, but I will end up homeless again. As my income isn't enough to pay rent, Medicare, etc. I already went through all that years ago. My ex said he woud help me get back on my feet. He lied. Now I feel like I am in Limbo. Or nowhere. I have no children, no family that will help me.

I am begining more and more to believe that I came down here to die. I am a writer. It used to be the only thing that kept me going, but I am giving up on that too. I have been writing since I was 4 and now, for the last 1 1/2 years just have died to it little by little.

i feel there is no hope for me. THere is no way out of my situation. I live with 2 friends, but it isn't the same as being with someone who might be family and love one. I am so lonely. Each night I take a bit more Ativan hoping I won't wake up. Well, I am still here, unfortunately.

I had tremendous hopes for myself for a long, long time. My life has been very hard, but this is more than I can handle and realize I am facing a blank wall. There is no way out. THere are therapists here in Hondoras, but I have CPTSD and DID, with active alters still, which I know shoudn't. BUt I do not feel any safety in my life. i just feel it time for it to come to an end. BUt I must still be hoping for help or I wouldn't be writing here.

I guess it matters very little anymore.

Rosewell