Dear Tryin --

I am so sorry that you are feeling bad and are hurting yourself. I am glad that you are working with your T and getting some support from a friend.

I think, as CottonCandyLocks, suggests, it may be helpful to think of "finding yourself" as a process. Sometimes you will focus on finding happiness within, sometimes you will focus on finding it through other people. Whatever your focus of the moment, it's all good.

I've never intentionally self-injured (though I've had periods where I seem to hurt myself in a lot of "accidents"), so I don't know if it's OK for me to comment here. I have had to find myself, and am still working on that. When the life I had in 2003 fell apart in every way -- I didn't know who I was anymore.

One of the places that I've had to start is to Be In My Body. To start to become aware of what makes me feel anxious, or angry, or like I want to run away. And what makes me feel happy or peaceful or good. It starts by noticing things about the way my body feels. Sometimes, when we start, we may say, "I don't know how I feel" because we are so unused to being in our body, with our self.

Then, I have worked with a T to develop strategies to manage situations that don't make me feel good. To notice when people are irritating me and to speak up authentically instead of "stuffing" how I feel.

It's no overnight transformation -- the morning where you wake up and say, "Oh, there you are, you old Self you. I've been looking for you for a long time. Glad I've found you."

Rather finding the self is a journey of discovery. I have a hunch that it continues until we don't exist anymore.

Be well, Tryin2BMe.