A little over 3 years ago I made an attempt, and I'm still feeling guilty for it. My mother had made an attempt so I knew first-hand how much pain it causes to a family. I still did it anyway because I was selfishly focused on only my own pain, and too cowardly to make the needed changes to my life. I wrapped myself up in self-pity and a victim mentality and used it as an excuse not to change myself or the situations I had built. Life is such a beautiful, precious, and fragile gift, and I fully intended to just throw it away for the above-mentioned reasons, which were not reasons at all to take such a step.

I have found so much help on this forum for my lingering depression and anxiety. The exercises in self-compassion have made such a huge difference in my life and metal state. But I'm finding it so hard to apply it to what I did in trying to end my life.

I have been systematically addressing the issues I've held locked away inside me for so long, and this is the only one I haven't been able to deal with so far. I have recently come to faith and it might be adding to the guilt, because I believe that our lives are borrowed so briefly while we're on this Earth and that we're here to make those lives worthwhile. God didn't let me die, but I made a serious effort to throw away what He gifted to me.

I wish I knew how to make amends for what I did.