Oh gosh. I’m feeling a huge level of guilt right now for being outwardly unappreciative when you show me compassion. I never know how to respond, I barely even say thank you even when it’s things you’re not paid to do/ obligated to do, like talking to me on the phone when distressed, always answering my messages, when I was suicidal - offering to see me on a weekend (only once, if you could fit it in, but I won’t forget the kind gesture even though it didn’t happen - I may have said it was okay?). I’m finding it difficult understanding why I’ve been behaving like this - it’a usually in my nature to be transparent about feelings of gratitude and really conveying my appreciation. I think it’s because from you it feels sincere, and I don’t feel deserving. If I acknowledge it, I’m almost accepting I deserve it. Regardless of my feelings, I don’t want you to think it doesn’t mean the absolute world to me that you are consistently stable, compassionate, honest and patient. So whilst I’ll probably not express this to you, I want to say thank you. Really and truly. Mostly for always delivering what you can within your means - never too much, never anything you wouldn’t do for others, and never at the sacrifice of your own life. Whilst it does irritate me in the moment when you rarely have slots open in the week when I’m having a particularly bad week, I quite like that you’re not hyper-responsive to my needs and do have faith I’ll make it through the week. You once said it’s wonderful that I’m choosing to live. And whilst I didn’t really believe it, or digest those words - I do want to try. Try to live. Try to find meaning. I hope next year I’m able to leave my abusive (family) relationship and start afresh. I may not be left with any family, but I have friends and you - good people exist. Basically - thank you.