Please know that not all women are cruel. You've had some awful experiences, Lundi, but it might be the people you are trying to spend time with. They all sound like over-the-top extroverts. People like that, in my experience, are completely judgemental and not at all understanding of difference. Lots of nerdy women, whether they're on the spectrum or not, also remain virgins into their 30s. We live in a culture that thinks extroversion and NT is the only acceptable way to be. That isn't at all true. Doing the party scene isn't going to help you meet someone who will accept you. You're beating yourself to a pulp for not doing well with people who aren't right for you anyway. If you have the economic means, and the interest, places like ComicCon or a Trek convention might be good places to start. Also check out meeting venues within your scientific fields, or join some local book clubs. If you have a support group for ASD near where you live, that might be a good place to make some friendships at the very least.

Also check out this site for self-compassion; it sure has helped me with my self-esteem problems, beating the snot out of myself for my actual and perceived shortcomings and loneliness.
Self-Compassion