You've known some really crummy people, Lundi. It's a reflection on them and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Some people respond to our own insecurities by attacking ourselves and believing our cruelest critics, especially when those critics are inside our own minds. I've been this way all my life and apparently you have too. A lot of us here on this forum are (that's probably why we're here). Others respond by ripping other people down, especially those who are already in pain. They have wolfish instincts and can easily spot someone who will be wounded by their attacks. That's what they do to feel better about themselves. You are not flawed. They're projecting their own flaws onto you to feel as if they've shed them for a little while. It isn't rational and it's vicious, but some people are just like that. Trust me, a woman who has faced the same ridicule you have, or has experienced abusive relationships, would think your virginity and general innocence is a plus, not something repulsive.

I'll say this again: you are not flawed because you haven't had a romantic and sexual relationship with the women you have tried so far. It really sounds like you're trying to make yourself an extroverted NT in dating situations. You aren't going to find success, or happiness, if you do that. Meetups and dating sites only work for people who are very conventional. Heterosexual ones depend on those who fall on extreme (and in my view, disgusting) gender stereotypes. A female is expected to be an exceptional beauty, can't be "too smart," and can't make too much or too little money. A male is expected to be exceptionally handsome and muscular, macho, and financially successful. All are expected to enjoy dancing and drinking and casual meaningless sex. I don't think any of that is what you want.

A good place to start would be to think of what qualities you'd want in a girlfriend. Do you want someone with whom you could talk about science, art, lit, and current events? Do you want someone who will help you explore possibilities you had never considered before? Do you mostly care that she's kind and gentle? Don't fall into painting a picture of the perfect mate, but you do need to consider what values you need a life partner to share, what you'd accept as compatible life goals and world views even if they don't 100% align with yours, and what you'd consider a red line. From there you'll be able to find someone who will really appreciate you. If what you're doing isn't working, you have to try something else. These people are causing you damage and you deserve better than that. The whole bar crawl scene only works for people who live on life's surface, not those who want meaning form their life and relationships. People who go out of their way to rip you down aren't going to accept you. Please don't think that every person (and most of all every woman) in the world is like that. As a scientist, you certainly understand the concept of sample bias.