Well I screwed up and need to vent. I tried to call my husband’s bluff tonight and it backfired. He is absolutely serious about all of his requests. Tonight he had one if his buddies over to work on my car. He kept “jokingly” telling me I should flash him as “payment”. He didn’t say it in front of his friend fortunately. He’s just whisper it teasingly every now and then. I got tired of it and went to our room. He came in a little later and asked again if I’d put on something “sexy or sheer”. I decided to call his bluff because I didn’t think he could really go through with it. And I told him that. I told him I don’t think he’s thinking it through all the way. Would he still feel like a man if he let another guy just enjoy his wife’s body? So I basically told him, fine, if you want this so bad, then you see if it’s something YOU can go through with. I’ll leave the lights on and the curtains open The rest of the evening (our bedroom looks out to our backyard. It’s private so no chance of any neighbors seeing in or anything). I’m going to take a shower, then after, I’m going to stay naked in our room. Fold laundry, watch tv, whatever I want. And you decide if you can go through with letting your friend see me naked. but make sure you really think about it and if changing your relationship with him in that way is something you’re ok with. And think about if you really want other guys looking at me that way. So I opened the curtains, sent him out, and got in the shower. I felt right then like I had gotten through to him. But I was sick of the wondering and I just wanted to call his bluff. So I was determined. I turned of the shower, dried off, hung my towel up and walked into my bedroom. I started folding laundry and turned on a show. I was pretty confident I had called his bluff and shown him he couldn’t actually go through with it. But not two minutes after I got out of the shower, I hear our backyard slider open. I started freaking out but determined to stay the course and figure out what he really wanted. Plus I didn’t even know who was going out there. And I couldn’t see much outside with it being dark. But then I heard two voices talking and knew they were both out there watching. I couldn’t believe he actually went through with it. And then I felt like an idiot for coming up with such a stupid idea that had this as the consequence if I turned out to be wrong. I avoided looking at the window directly, but I could make our both of their figures out of my peripherals. So I know they were both just standing out there watching me. But while freaking out and trying to act normal, I realized that his friend doesn’t know that I know he’s out there maybe. So if I just act normal, at least I can save face. So I carried on. I also then decided I wanted to know how long my husband would decide to stay and watch. After about ten minutes I had lost hope that they’d give up any time soon, so I Got dressed to end their little show. Then I heard them come back in the house. I stayed in my room. There was no way I was going to try to face Mark right then after he’d just seen me naked.

After Mark left, my husband came into the room. I decided to play dumb to see if he was honest. I told him I did what I said I’d do, and I asked him what he decided. I mean, at least he was honest. He said he took Mark around back to see me. I stayed calm and said something like “so you’re serious about this”. He nodded. I asked how he brought it up to Mark. He said he just told him he needed help getting something out of the backyard “so it would seem unintentional”. I asked what happened when they saw me. He said that Mark turned away and apologized. But that he told him “it’s ok, I don’t mind if you look.” Apparently Mark looked shocked but went ahead and took advantage of the offer. I said, “so Mark knows you’re ok with him seeing me naked. Was there any questioning or conversation about that?” He said Mark asked several times if he was sure that he was ok with it. My husband said he found it sexy. Mark said something about never being ok with another guy seeing his girl. I asked him if that was embarrassing or made him think again about the decision he made. He said, it was a little embarrassing, but it had been a fantasy of his for so long that it was worth it. I asked how long they watched, again trying to see if he’d tell the truth. He said 10 or 15 minutes, until I got dressed.

I said, “ok, now at least I know where you stand. Are you happy?” He said yes then made moves to have sex. I was a huge whirl of thoughts. I wasn’t sure if I was mad or hurt or what. I think the strongest feeling was a coming to grips with that this is actually something he enjoys, a lot. But I figured I’d gone ahead and fulfilled a fantasy of his, so I let him enjoy it while I just tried to wrap my head around it all. He was super vigorous, like he always is when we discuss his fantasies. Only more-so since it actually came true. He talked about how sexy it was, some comments Mark had made about my body. He was super into it. So now he’s asleep and I’m wide awake. Thinking back on how incredibly completely my plan backfired on me. But also coming to terms with the fact that this isn’t just a fantasy to talk about, he’s really able to go through with it. I’m wondering if he’ll have any regrets in the morning. And I’m wondering how long I can avoid Mark. Also wondering how this fits into our relationship. Because there’s still no way I’m leaving him over this.

Sorry for the crazy long post. I had to get it off my chest. Please, I don’t need a bunch of judgment. I know it was a mistake. I think. I really don’t know. I know I should have considered the possibility of him going through with it before I suggested it. So please, don’t pile on. I’m just doing the best I can.