Tonight I called a domestic violence hotline and explained my situation to the person that answered the phone. She was extremely concerned about my safety and fears that my situation could be lethal if I don't get out. It almost was lethal in October. (I thought that I had a kidney stone and mentioned this to my husband, but as time progressed, the stone didn't pass and I began to feel worse and worse. He told me that I was being a baby, that I should be able to bear a little bit of pain, that I should learn to be flexible, etc... When he finally let me go to the ER (with an escort), I was in septic shock. I had two different bacteria strains, one of which was staph, and my kidney was four times the size that it should have been, filled with blood and pus. I spent most of October in the hospital. )

We discussed different ways for me to get help, but the advocate didn't think that any of them were safe. She did refer me to a shelter in another state, almost 20 hours from here. I think I should have asked if there is one closer that I can stay at while figuring out how/where to go since it would be unsafe for me to stay in this area and try to rebuild my life. It's to late tonight, so I will have to wait until tomorrow to call back.

I'm worried that they'll think I'm crazy for calling again tomorrow. I am so anxious that I feel like I'm losing my mind.