Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
Please know that not all women are cruel. You've had some awful experiences, Lundi, but it might be the people you are trying to spend time with. They all sound like over-the-top extroverts. People like that, in my experience, are completely judgemental and not at all understanding of difference. Lots of nerdy women, whether they're on the spectrum or not, also remain virgins into their 30s. We live in a culture that thinks extroversion and NT is the only acceptable way to be. That isn't at all true. Doing the party scene isn't going to help you meet someone who will accept you. You're beating yourself to a pulp for not doing well with people who aren't right for you anyway. If you have the economic means, and the interest, places like ComicCon or a Trek convention might be good places to start. Also check out meeting venues within your scientific fields, or join some local book clubs. If you have a support group for ASD near where you live, that might be a good place to make some friendships at the very least.
Also check out this site for self-compassion; it sure has helped me with my self-esteem problems, beating the snot out of myself for my actual and perceived shortcomings and loneliness.
Self-Compassion |
Thanks for telling me about the women that are virgins. I never thought about that before. Like in the article, it said that only around 2% of all men in the UK are virgins past age 30, and that only around 1% of all women in the UK are virgins at that age. My guess is that this pattern is similar in other Western countries. It scares me that I am in that 2%. I only meet the 99% of women who are not virgins, as far as I know. I never meet any of the 1%. The group must be small and/or they are in other social gatherings.
Once last year I went to a meetup at night at the Academy of Sciences. It was a nightlife event, so only adults were allowed. There was a bar and music and even a dance floor, even with the scientific exhibits open at nearby. For some reason, it seemed to me that even in a science environment there were a lot of neurotypical people who were gregarious and talkative. I felt still out of place. Not sure if here there are simply a majority of people who are neurotypicals who attend meetups.