Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
You might have better success in Europe when you study there. Americans aren't exactly known for being civilized. MickeyCheeky was right: your city really sounds awful. I've lived in some terrible places too where the people will cuss somebody out at the drop of a hat, or stay almost permanently intoxicated. Some places have made me feel as if I've been dropped into the middle of Steinbeck's Cannery Row. The only thing to do in an environment like that is to get out of it.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet with that barf queen. Would you seriously want to kiss that mouth?
"Normal" depends so much on the specific place and specific time. Thinking in terms of "normal" and "not normal" only serve to cause pain and confusion, at least in my view. Acceptable and not acceptable, for you, seems much better. Some people always want to live like college freshmen, and others want to grow up and find a meaningful, fulfilling life. Party life and seclusion are not the only two options available to people. You are certainly right that it's harder to meet introverts because of our nature, but there are lots of us out there, Lundi! We just aren't standing on a table shouting that we're available.
Males are far more stigmatized for virginity, but the right woman for you won't hold it against you. The most important thing when you're out is not to try to put on "the NT show." A date, and a potential friend, needs to accept or reject the truth of you, not an act you're putting on for the sake of companionship. I had a long habit of compartmentalizing myself, and it did me a lot of damage. We can only heal when we can be whole.
And @ MickeyCheeky: thank you for your kind words; you're an angel! |
It is funny that you mentioned that book, because I live in San Francisco, just three hours' drive away from Monterey, California. I have not read that book, but I have been to the actual Cannery Row there probably about ten times in my life. Right now it is a sleepy tourist area with tourist seafood restaurants.
If you wanted to know a bit of the dating culture here, here is what I found immediately upon an internet search:
Why is everyone in San Francisco a temperamental asshole?
Why are people in San Francisco so rude?
Are people in San Francisco snobs?
This Is What Makes Dating So Hard in San Francisco
8 (Completely True) Reasons Why Dating in San Francisco is so Difficult
5 Reasons Dating in San Francisco Is so Freaking Hard
Here Are 5 Reasons You're Still Single If You Live In San Francisco
Just a half hour or so I came back home from an event from meetup.com. It was quite striking what I heard from some people here. I saw an acquaintance whom I had met two years ago. He said that he has totally given up on dating women in this city, because it is not only way too difficult and heartbreaking to keep dealing with the same rubbish over and over, but that he hopes to move soon to New York City away from West Coast California. Then I met a guy probably in his mid-40s who told me straight, "I need a wife. I am getting older, and it seems like none are serious. I date, but everyone is so superficial. One says that she is staying for six months and does not care about meeting anyone, another says that she just looking for fun, another says that she is moving out permanently the next week. What am I supposed to do?" and he seemed quite depressed about it. Another guy told me that dating is hard in a place where the gender ratio of people in their 20s and 30s is over 70% male, and that nothing is working. I am not sure how other guys are exactly having a hard time compared to my own experiences, but from what I hear, there does seem to be a pattern. So you are probably right, the only way is to just leave, i.e. move permanently without looking back.
Yes, that woman put me off quite a bit about the vomiting, as if the part about birth control and condoms were not enough. Just right now I look on my Instagram feed, and there was an update on her profile about yesterday going to a nightclub, with three cocktails in her hand. The past weekend she had a meme on her profile that basically has a cartoon with someone vomiting into the toilet bowl with a caption that I am guessing is meant to be funny (?) saying, "Remember when I was 22 and I could down those tequila shots one by one?". I have met people in their 40s and 50s at meetups, both men and women, who have told me how they go to nightclubs, drink too much then vomit all over the place, as if they were teenagers or in a university fraternity/sorority.
I see what you mean about normality. I think that I often compared myself with society's definition of normal here. Apparently one night stands, dancing to hip hop, rap and techno on a massive dance floor, plus getting drunk to the point of vomiting, even in one's 40s and 50s, is "normal" here. That probably sounds like an introvert's nightmare. I think that I am exception for introverts. I force myself to go out and meet big amounts of people in social settings, mostly because I felt that I needed to have some way to have a social life no matter how odd it is to me due to being introverted.
I am sure that there is some idiot males out there who make fun of female virgins, but I do know from experience how embarrassing and degrading it is when in the past women used to do things like make the "L" sign with their fingers to taunt me upon finding out about my virginity, or other things like telling people in a group when I am present or reacting like, "Oh my god, stop, this cannot be possible…" as if I had revealed something so horrible like I had twelve fingers or three hands or something.
Like that guy in the newspaper article, he said that he felt like if he had an STI, so bad was his reputation for being a male virgin at 31. I do feel something similar, I do remember in the past being told that those with chlamidya and gonorrhoea were even of a higher "class" of male than I was. I remember some really questionable comments that I received, when told that even non-virgin guys with horrible STIs like syphilis or AIDS were not losers like male virgin adults, since at least the syphilitic or AIDS guy were not a virgin.