My long time beau and I have been on shaky ground. He has threatened to leave many times and gone as far as packing his things and driving away, only to turn around that day or the next and come home. A strong relationship is not built on the constant threat of the end. I’m tired of it but I love him dearly. Many times I will plead with him to try and work it out. We see a therapist together, but the fighting doesn’t cease. It’s centered around his unhappiness with the relationship and my desire for something more. I want a future and he is very happily in the present.

I’m to a point I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I want it to work but he keeps pulling away. I know he won’t make the decision to leave though. He tells me he won’t be the one to end it but in the same day, remind me how awful things are and how he dreams of Leaving and be free of our responsibilities.

Luckily we have no children. He literally could pack every belonging and fit it in his truck and leave. He has never been a material guy. I however train horses and that requires a lot of work and time. I worked with and owned horses when we met but the more time that passed, the more I think he realized he just doesn’t like that lifestyle. I have tried to devote time to him and have put that on hold, not taking new clients so I can do things he enjoys but it just doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I guess I just don’t know how to let go. And I feel this weight on me to be the one to break it off. But I still care for him and in rare moments, when we are together and happy and being affectionate, I see the man I need but it’s just a glimmer now. I think we both realize our lives have gone in different directions. I just can’t seem to say goodbye. And mean it. Every time he leaves, no matter how ugly the fight or how upset we are, I feel so lost without him. And beg for him to reconsider.

I feel so conflicted because I don’t want it to be over. I’m wishing for a miracle. I’m wanting him to be the man I need though that’s not fair to him. Because he just doesn’t like the life I have. And I can’t just sell everything and move to the city. I’d be miserable.

How do you say it’s over when you still have hope?