It seems like you're struggling a lot, @ruesia! It is hard to let go, especially when we still feel Love for the other person. It isn't easy and it is going to be a long process. My advice would be to contact an experienced Therapist so that you'll be able to work through ALL of this. Please do remember that it won't happen in one day and that it WILL take Time, but that you can still do this! I'd suggest Marriage Counselling, but... it seems like your Husband has already made up his Mind so I'm not sure whether or not it will prove to be useful for BOTH of you. Please do keep fighting and keep trying your best! You'll be able to get through ALL of this eventually, with Time and Patience. Be kind to yourself! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @ruesia, your Family, your Friends, your Husband and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS?!