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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
For those constantly checking your T's texts (not sure how you can even do that -- must be something other than regular text messaging)
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Like others brought up, this is the default Whatsapp setting, so it doesn't involve extra snooping.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
maybe consider how this would feel if you found out someone was constantly checking your cyber/text history? I'm wondering if you would feel comfortable knowing that someone was so constantly wound up in checking on you like that. I don't mention that as shaming so much as perhaps thinking about this from the receiving end might help you regulate your own behaviors a bit so they aren't so seemingly consuming like you describe them.
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This is definitely a fair point (although it sounds like you're referring to something more involved than checking someone's last seen status), and I have considered this, even more so after your post here. I agree that a therapist is a person like any other, and their boundaries should be respected, their profession is not a carte blanche for anybody to live out whatever it is they fancy doing.
Nevertheless, I feel that this behaviour (checking my T's last seen), is not so much threatening to my T as it is a sign that something is amiss in my (social) life that would benefit from exploring in therapy sessions. I do think that a therapeutic relationship is not exactly the same as a regular social relationship, and that rather than looking at why this is or isn't inappropriate behaviour, what is most relevant in the therapy setting - for the sake of the client, to be able to improve this in the future - is simply recognizing that this is an urge/need/desire (if it is not a boundary crossing in the experience of the T). To me, most relevant is to explore in therapy what this behaviour gives someone. In my case, I spend a lot of time alone, and it feels as if I am close to him if I see he has been online recently, whether that makes sense or not. And then, how can I fulfill those needs in other ways, why don't I, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
I honestly wouldn't be comfortable with my own husband constantly doing something like that; (I'd tell him to get a life. LOL!)
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When this was posted, it was incredibly painful for me to read. One of the reasons I am in therapy is that, as you phrase it, I do not have a life.
That realisation is very bitter for me, especially as it has been like this for years. I have trouble changing the assumptions I have about the world and others' judgments so that I can start living a little, and not so much in isolation, for instance. It's why I am in therapy, and likely also why I have the urge to check my T's last seen to try and feel close to him/someone - as pathetic and obsessive a way of achieving such a sense of closeness may be. This is, of course, also what's painful about it for me, even though it temporarily makes me feel better.
So I would like to say that, although I assume you did not mean it in a bad way, this is not the forum where these kind of jokes can always be made/taken lightheartedly. It's a great forum, but meaning/intention gets lost easily over text, so let's consider each other's feelings before being too joky.