I am just remembering

Because i am feeling more depressed

I was crashing, I took 3mg of ativan. Leftovers ...

I have a therapist who I saw once in october, mext appointment on February. He helped me, I liked him.

Why does the IOP didnt work? They didnt want to discharge me even if it wasnt helping me, but i pushed it.... And I got an appointment at a CMH center.

I am happy with my new therapist, but i am seeing him once each 3 months

Why couldnt therapist at the IOP help me? They saw me as far as twice a week!!!

I am sorry i cant think straigth from the benzo

Still feel anxious

Depression comes from nowhere
Wanting to cry comes from nowhere
Weird halluconations come from nowhere
Laugh and laugh hysterical laugh, pain laugh.
I do not know what is wrong with me, i feel hilarious inside, but i am not psychotic because i keep im touch. I feel another hilarious me inside while i want to die. I Dont know what is wrong with this. Urges are there.

Why is another hilarious me inside while i feel so depressed? There is me laughing inside uuuuh uuuh it is a SH bastard (I do not SH).

How can i be so depressed while other things inside me are famtastic crazy sming?

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-