The OP has been very honest about how she’s feeling about all this and I give her alot of credit for being so open to advice given here and trying to decide what she will and won’t allow in her marriage in regards to her sex life and her husband seemingly wanting her to do various things.

She mentioned many times at this point she has no intention of a divorce. Maybe that will change.

I think the vast majority of people have fantasies, we all just decide what we are comfortable with.