Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
So you obviously are not the only one having issues with dating people who are absolute jerks! I never knew Frisco was that bad. If even NTs are having that rough a time, that should ease the self-recrimination on you, Lundi. I really think your life will change when you get out of there. No one can heal their heart in the emotional equivalent of a superfund site.
It might be a good idea to refrain from looking at those profiles, and be more selective about the meetups you attend, unless you genuinely find the connections fulfilling. If all it does is make you wonder why you can't be part of it, or feel disgust for all of humanity because of how you see them behave, then it will do more harm than good. That's just a suggestion of course, and I would never direct someone on what they should or should not do. But it's important to consider how what you do affects how you think and feel. That has a huge impact on mental health and I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
In my view, it's weird to intentionally intoxicate yourself to the point of puking and passing out. Life is too short, precious, and fragile to dull your awareness of it. Trying to force yourself into a life that isn't right for you is only going to cause damage. And you won't meet anyone who will appreciate you for who you are. I'm sorry if I'm sounding bossy or preachy here, but I don't want to see anyone damaged because they aren't living their authentic selves. People who live for the party scene don't respect themselves or even life itself, so of course they are incapable of respecting anyone else. That is not a good environment for someone who wants genuine, deep relationships.
You walked into a snake pit and expected yourself to flourish in it. Most people aren't such big a-holes as the one's you've encountered. Look for different kinds of people and you might be surprised at how differently they react to you, and treat you. And please keep in mind that you don't have to tell people about your virginity in a social setting. Directness and honesty are beautiful aspects of ASD, and something the world needs so much more of, but at the same time you don't have to wear a sandwich board proclaiming personal things about yourself to strangers.
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San Francisco has become quite bad, in many ways. Dating is just one of the more extreme examples in which San Francisco has declined. True, even the NTs have problems. It gives me a bit more solace knowing that if even they cannot stand the dating scene here, but still is annoying since I have to deal with being single due to a very abnormal dating scene in addition to my own faults.
I just looked up some statistics. No wonder San Francisco leads the nation in being the city that has not only the lowest birth rate, but also the lowest marriage rate plus the lowest percentage of children in the population compared to any other American city. And dating as a 30 year old when the male-to-female ratio in the age group 20-40 is almost 4:1 is not exactly the easiest either.
I agree that binge-drinking to the point of vomiting makes no sense. I think that this is considered normal in society, because hard partying with zero limits is seen as being a popular person with many friends. Someone who is more introverted and quiet is seen more as a loser. Logically, this makes no sense at all, but so many societal norms make no sense as a whole.
I have been looking for new groups for the past months, but it seems like there are so many bad groups, one can hardly see any good groups. I try to at least see my old acquaintances during meetups, in case that I do not meet any good new people. It is annoying, but as a stopgap, it seems to be the only thing at least for now.
Since I had turned 30 in October, I stopped revealing personal information as much as possible. Some people do call me rude and stand-offish for not agreeing to do so, but if they try to shame me for not giving personal information, it seems quite likely that they would shame me for my personal details.
I never knew that ordinary people could be so terrible, honestly. Perhaps it was the naïveté that I had in the past, but when I see people with my own eyes act so cruel and judgemental, it makes me think how many people whom I already know actually think this way but never voice this publicly.
I do remember when I had gone on holiday to Europe right before my birthday, I felt a sense of tranquility. People did not treat me like shïte. True, I was not looking to date the women or anything, just relax and enjoy my time there in the last days of my 20s. But I had the feeling that if I were there longer, that doing so would be more fruitful and enjoyable. At least that was my general feeling.