Please never let yourself believe that you are fundamentally flawed. What we tell ourselves about ourselves has a huge impact on every aspect of our lives. There is no person on the planet who has no strengths and no weaknesses. Yes, you are an Aspie-- that's just a label for a way of thinking and of perceiving and experiencing the world in a way those under the label of NT or ADHD do not. Different is not flawed, it's just different.

You'll undoubtedly do much better in a different environment. And not everybody is a highly extroverted, binge-drinking a-hole. The situations you're forcing yourself into are full of them, but isn't your cup of tea, so I urge you to just try something else. Forcing yourself into a bad fit is only going to cause further damage. I learned that lesson the hard way many times over. It pains me to see others making my same mistakes.

It takes time to find a good fit, but please have patience. Sometimes it all comes down to time and location. May I ask when you will be leaving for school abroad? That will be something to look forward to and prepare for. Maybe you can start looking to see what groups are available in the new area. Novelty can inspire new hope when it's been lost by long, bad experience.


Don't worry if people don't like it if you won't reveal personal information. People who object to that are only seeking information about you for their own ends. You discover a lot about who a person is by how they respond to your boundaries. Those who refuse to respect them will never respect you. Those who are okay with it are the people you'll be able to spend quality time with. The only way to have a healthy relationship is to set healthy boundaries early on. Another lesson I learned the hard way, many times over.


Naivete is part of being on the spectrum. Some people will try to take advantage of that. You've experienced bitter cruelty, as have so many others. Women on the spectrum face much higher risk of sexual violence than NT women. So many on the spectrum, of any gender identity, become embittered after repeated traumatic experiences and come to believe that everybody is like that. Not everybody is cruel. Not everybody is judgemental. Please remember about sample bias. You do need to keep alert, but please don't slip into misanthropy and paranoia.

The general culture of a place is important. And I've read a lot of articles about people on the spectrum who could not find successful relationships until they moved away, sometimes to other countries. Don't beat yourself up over not finding anything in such a toxic environment. You see who few others are succeeding either.