What concerns me the most is his lack of care for how you feel about it (you're not comfortable, don't want to) and his continually suggesting this, requesting it from you despite you saying no.

Do you ever not give in? Regardless, it sounds like sometimes you give in and with him pushing boundaries, maybe he wants to see if you'll say yes. Like "maybe this time she'll say yes to me."

Forgive me if you've already said this, but have you ever told him, like had a serious conversation w him about how you are feeling about all this? The pressuring, coerscion, in particular? I know you said you both had a therapy appt that didn't work out and are looking for someone else. Anyway, if you have (had a serious conversation w him), how does he act / respond to you? Does he express that he cares how you feel? Does he ever get it? If not, how does he respond?

I'm just wondering, are you giving him mixed messages? It does not make this situation ok in my opinion (it just seems he is trampling on your feelings and getting what only he wants sexually) but how do you act when he suggests these things jokingly? How do you act when he suggests you do these things? I'm talking about everything from tone, to facial expression and body language. Is it inconsistent? If so, why? Are you afraid of disappointing him? Him leaving you? Something else?

And my questions are not to blame you. I'm just thinking about human behavior and how people (a lot of us) work, and sometimes it's not very effective. And also, I don't know. So I'm asking.

You don't have to (and you shouldn't have to feel like you have to) do something you're uncomfortable with and that you don't want to do.

I hear you on being worried and feeling guilty about disappointing your mate. I hear you that you love you're husband and that he's your best friend and a great father. I also believe we're all allowed to have personal boundaries and we shouldn't be pressured into sexual acts we aren't comfortable with. I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds difficult, confusing, and stressful. Be nice to you.

I hope you find another therapist who is more capable of helping you both.