but T said to not trust the feeling... when i feel like he doesn't care, i'm supposed to challenge it, not just trust it

yeah alex... that is what we are doing... trying to unravel just where/when/how a set of dysfunctional feelings began and how they created the schema that is currently activated... something about me, him, the process.. something has activated a powerful rejection schema... i'm supposed to challenge it with the concrete, try to figure out what the exact thoughts and feelings are, then try to unravel just when were the other times i felt that way. Big job. i am SO far away from all of that yet.

he is very good with this... he is not thrilled when i dont perceive the real issue and blame him for something.. that has gotten a little old and i agree... but im not doing that so much. i see that my strong rxns are from my own schema set and not anything he is doing. Not that he never does anything to warrant some frustration.

i feel such a strong pull to call him... it's ridiculous.. i feel like an addict.

i dunno... is it wrong to want to hear the voice of someone who cares about you? esp when that someone knows you in a way no one else has and STILL cares and likes you?