I can't get it out of my mind that I could have abused my cousin.

When I was a young kid I was exposed to sexual stuff way too early and I remember watching the videos and we would do what they would do in the video. I was a little over 2 and a half years older than her.

There was only one time where she kinda didn't want to do some certain thing and I asked her again. I think I was somewhere between 10 and 12 maybe.

The other times I'm pretty sure she wanted to. Sometimes she would even bring it up first.

This stuff happened off and on until I was around maybe 14-16. I Can't remember the exact age.


Also, I feel like I can remember some events.

My mom asks if I'm sure I'm not just distorting thag memory and it happened to me but I don't think so. I had to be 11 or younger for that scenario.

I've already brought this stuff up in counseling.

One thing the counselor said to me was when kids are abused they can do it to other kids.
I feel horrible if I abused someone.

I am a good person. I would do anything for anyone. So it bothers me that I could have abused her.

We had a good relationship after. I think she brought it up before saying remember what we used to do and I pretended I didn't know what she was talking about and told her she's probably dreaming because I know she wanted to do it again and I didn't anymore.

I used to feel sick after towards the last few times we did that stuff.

We were close after this though. Like we would always hang out, watch movies, go to the park, etc.

If I abused her, I don't think we would have been close after right?