People who don't like to think with nuance don't respond well to someone they can't place into a neat little box. I'll repeat the advice to not worry about it; its them, not you. Especially in our modern climate, people think of the "other" in terms of stereotype or even caricature.

Hetero cis men all over the world speak of women as commodities; that's a strange reversal where you live, and no better.

Jobs with high pay and high prestige will always draw those who seek that alone, regardless of whether the idealized version if the job is one of helping people or not.

A lack of community, belonging, and mutual respect will inevitably lead to just about every issue you have mentioned that plagues your city. Have you ever considered volunteer work, faith groups, or political groups? Taking action in my area has helped me to feel more connected and helped me to meet other people with similar values.

Trust me, lots of women out there like "shy guys" and see it as sweet, not shameful. You have to be who you are. Women spot a phony pretty quickly and that's always a turn-off, unless all she's looking for is a quick easy shag. But most women will feel uncomfortable being that outnumbered by men. I'm not sure if any straight man can understand what that's like. I too would bolt if I was the only woman in a room full of desperate men. I experienced sexual harassment in my first job, an ex-boyfriend's behavior after a breakup verged on stalking, and I've had SO many very creepy middle-aged men hit on me. A woman's safety is in danger from men everywhere she goes; that's just a daily reality of life anywhere in the world. Shy guys are much less threatening than more assertive ones. That isn't a downside to every woman, even if the ones you have met were put off.


You might fare much better when you head to Europe. American culture, especially the twisted microcosm of it that surrounds you in San Francisco, is not the whole world.

The woman just didn't understand ASD; your needs are textbook traits of the neurological difference. Bad experiences form such misunderstandings will cause social anxiety. I really think an ASD support group would help you if there's one near your home for adults. Check for online support groups too. There's a forum here on PC as well, I'm not sure how active it is. But you don't have to tie yourself to just one. It isn't uncommon for people to accept certain types of difference but not others. Unfortunately that happens even in activist groups working for cultural change.