Keep on searching for Euro groups. You're probably a lot more tech-savvy than me so you'll be able to find something I wouldn't.

A more socially conservative woman, or a very religious woman, would likely see your virginity as a plus. A genuine liberal who values each person would as well. Americans are well-known for being rude. But as luvyrself said, you don't have to announce it, especially early on in the relationship. That doesn't mean lie, it just means you don't have to volunteer personal information if you don't feel comfortable doing so. The people who are pushing against your boundaries are not interested in you for you, just for their own entertainment. You do not have to play along! The "what do you do?" question is inevitable in small-talk. I dislike it too because I'm looked down upon for my custodial work. But in regards to that question, unlike the other 3, it usually isn't intended to be intrusive; it's actually intended as a conversation starter.

You're very right about the masking in female ASD. Girls, far more than boys, are expected to have top-notch social skills, and a little girl who's struggling to understand social cues or the like will get direct instruction, or will face ostracism at much higher rates. Masking is a survival mechanism. And as teens and young adults, your mother's experience was, sadly, not at all unique.

I'm sorry you had that horrible experience with someone you really cared about. That kind of pain cuts deep. But the actions of one woman do not speak to the actions for all. And it doesn't at all speak to your worth as a human being. Memories can't be erased, especially form an Aspie mind, so that isn't the right approach. CBT techniques of restructuring memories and challenging automatic negative thought patterns would be good in this case. Considering the extent of your social anxiety and traumatic social encounters, a CBT therapist is a very good idea.

If your area is a social superfund site, your only option is to fly free.