Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
Keep on searching for Euro groups. You're probably a lot more tech-savvy than me so you'll be able to find something I wouldn't.
A more socially conservative woman, or a very religious woman, would likely see your virginity as a plus. A genuine liberal who values each person would as well. Americans are well-known for being rude. But as luvyrself said, you don't have to announce it, especially early on in the relationship. That doesn't mean lie, it just means you don't have to volunteer personal information if you don't feel comfortable doing so. The people who are pushing against your boundaries are not interested in you for you, just for their own entertainment. You do not have to play along! The "what do you do?" question is inevitable in small-talk. I dislike it too because I'm looked down upon for my custodial work. But in regards to that question, unlike the other 3, it usually isn't intended to be intrusive; it's actually intended as a conversation starter.
You're very right about the masking in female ASD. Girls, far more than boys, are expected to have top-notch social skills, and a little girl who's struggling to understand social cues or the like will get direct instruction, or will face ostracism at much higher rates. Masking is a survival mechanism. And as teens and young adults, your mother's experience was, sadly, not at all unique.
I'm sorry you had that horrible experience with someone you really cared about. That kind of pain cuts deep. But the actions of one woman do not speak to the actions for all. And it doesn't at all speak to your worth as a human being. Memories can't be erased, especially form an Aspie mind, so that isn't the right approach. CBT techniques of restructuring memories and challenging automatic negative thought patterns would be good in this case. Considering the extent of your social anxiety and traumatic social encounters, a CBT therapist is a very good idea.
If your area is a social superfund site, your only option is to fly free.
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This might sound quite odd, but actually most people who are even decades older than I am have better tech skills than I do. I grew up in a low-IT family. I used a 1960s manual typewriter up until I was 15 or 16. I had a twist-knob TV until around age 20. I did not use the Internet until around 2002. I did have a computer which was an Intel 1985 model on which I played solitaire and Minesweeper, but it had no Internet connection. My personal method for listening to music throughout my entire childhood was with my mother's record player and a cassette player. The only cars that I drive were models from the 1970s and 1980s. Just a couple years ago, we switched to an electronic phone--we used a 1950s-style rotary dial telephone complete with circular dialing pad up to around 2017. Naturally, since San Francisco are the
de facto IT capital of the world, being so ignorant of tech at age 30 in my case means that many people find me very weird just for that.
I can relate about feeling uncomfortable about the "What do you do?" question. When they hear that I am a written translator, they just say, "...Oh" and that is about it. They usually start talking about themselves, about how they are in IT, how they are a successful CEO of a startup, in finance, whatever. Many here gloat. I met once a few months ago this guy at a meetup who was insufferable. He said how he is a rocket scientist. He went on and on then about how people like me who are not making six figures should just move out of the city because poor people have no right to live here and occupy the housing when there are so many "intelligent" people like himself. He then stated that he deserved to pay 0% in taxes because he was much smarter than most people, and that taxes only help less intelligent poor people like myself. My naturally very honest self wanted to say, "You are completely full of *****", but I just left.
My mother probably learnt to mask hers better. From what I understand, we were both considered weird as children. I still have second aunts and uncles who say that my mother was a weirdo as a child. But right now, she more or less blends in with society. I, however, stand out quite a lot. My mannerisms, anxious demeanour, along with awkwardness plus weird voice tonality plus lack of facial expressions mean that quite a lot of people can tell that I am unlike the so-called "normal" people.
That episode on Valentine's Day 2016 did hurt a lot, true. I still think about it and my self-esteem and stuff up to now. It feels like I were indeed close to maybe a relationship, but now at age 30 up to now not even having kissed nor held hands, not to mention no sex, does hurt inside a lot. My health insurance is poor (no pun intended), so mental health sessions talking with a therapist are not covered. I actually have anxiety to the point that I was diagnosed with chronic hypertension at age 26. Despite having a poor family history of heart disease, my doctor told me that the anxiety is the one that is really a big factor. But since my health insurance basically does not cover mental health stuff, I would probably have to wait until I go to Europe. It would be most likely be free of cost, or at the very least much cheaper than it is over here.