I'm sorry you're so devastated. I think something you should work on is being more open to letting certain things flow. We can control some things, such as the house we buy or who we marry. We can't control the gender of a baby. You seem to make plans for things that can't be controlled. Does it make you feel more secure to do this? I think your disappointment stems from being so dead set on having two girls. If you were more flexible, it might not have hit you so hard.

As others have said, I think you should see a therapist. They can dig deeper and help you.