I'm in the same boat, but I'm more like your boyfriend. It's not that I don't care or that I'm uninterested, it's just that I don't know how to respond or how to respond the way she wants me to. I have trouble reading the situation and try to figure out if I should say something or just listen, and it seems like I pick the wrong decision every time. She's not the only one that get's frustrated because I do to. I love her to the end of the world and back. I would move mountains for her. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. But she pulls that "you're not paying attention to me so you must not love me" thing as well and I can't help but get defensive. This one thing doesn't define my love for her and to say that I don't love her just because I don't do this one thing is untrue. It devalues and cheapens everything else, or at least that's how I feel anyways. It feels like she's questioning me and my love for her because of one thing, while ignoring all the other ways I show her love.

Just because I can't read the situation well, or don't respond the way she wants/expects me to doesn't mean that whatever she is talking about isn't important to more or that I'm not listening/caring, doesn't equate to love or lack there of. So yeah, I feel your boyfriend on this one. I get pissed off to when she says that. I do everything I possibly can to show her how much I love her, but I'm just not good at this one thing. I have always had this problem, but it has gotten worse since my stroke, but I try to at least sit there and listen and pay attention and give advise when I can. What she has to say is important to me and I love to hear her talk about anything, but sometimes I just don't know what to say or if there is anything I really can say.

I hope you can come to some sort of conclusion and answer to your questions. I agree, couples counseling might help.