Yeah... I sort-of get this. I've been on antidepressants in the past both alone & in combination with other psych meds. The only one I took that I felt was of any real benefit was Cymbalta. (I still had to work at keeping myself "up". But the Cymbalta seemed to "keep a floor under me", as I used to like to say, so that if I began to crash it would kick my sorry butt back up to a manageable level.) The rest of the psych med's I tried were more trouble than they were worth. I don't take anything anymore.

In my case, I've never been a person who was so disabled by depression that I couldn't get up & do what needed to be done at some level. (It often wasn't pretty. But I did it.) On the other hand, I've also made 2 major suicide attempts. So there's that to be taken into consideration as well. However a lot of my major concerns are things there simply aren't medications for. No matter what psych med's I might take, they wouldn't change anything. So I just carry on as best I can.

I obviously can't say whether or not you should reconsider taking antidepressants. You clearly know what both the options & the obstacles are. I think all you can do is to consider if you're able to function at some acceptable level without psych med's. If so, perhaps it's best not to go back there. On the other hand, if you find you simply can't arrange your life such that you can function at an acceptable level day-to-day, then perhaps giving antidepressants another try makes sense. In my case, over the years, I've become an almost totally reclusive person. And keeping to myself is one of the things that has made it possible for me to manage. The lifestyle I lead wouldn't work for everyone. (I'm old. So that helps.) But it's something I accept as being one means of keeping myself off psych med's.