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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: California, USA
Posts: 129
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Dec 19, 2019 at 05:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
I've donated to a candidate for the first time this year and volunteered for his campaign events in my area. We might be supporting the same one! We can PM about that if you like. But the fellow supporters have all been very nice people with a strong values system, and genuinely believe in respect and equality. There has been a little class bias form a few, but not intentional. Implicit bias, especially on class issues, is woven into the fabric of American culture.
What's considered "poor" where you live is unfathomable to me. They'd probably consider me underclass rather than working class. That extremity of easy affluence certainly taints their world view. I urge you not to focus too much on a culture that toxic. You won't find your place there, so keep on looking forward to your goals. You'll find your pond somewhere else. I've been following Brexit too, and I fully know what you mean about the UK being European and yet not, with a steadily increasing murkiness of the definition. It sounds like you already found a better fit for you, so you already have a path ahead.
Shy guys are only rejected by over-the-top extroverts. Shy women, women who have been in bad relationships, women on the spectrum, and several others who don't quite fall into "type" would likely prefer a shy guy. Good for you for placing your experiences in the context of sample bias. Where you live does not at all represent the entire world.
That was classic Social Darwinism right there. I 100% agree that it's appalling, both morally and factually. Imagine the loss to the scientific world if Stephen Hawking had been told to go and die when he was diagnosed with ALS at 21. And how many other scientists, artists, and philosophers have had disabilities, or been on the spectrum, or been LGBTQ? That alpha male and alpha female nonsense disgusts me and I wouldn't date either one (I'm bisexual).
It isn't at all uncommon for areas with very high affluence to also have nearby high poverty. That affluence comes from somewhere, and it sure isn't hard work alone. America is considered one of the richest nations in the world, if not the very richest, yet we also lead the world in rates of child hunger and poverty. Areas of rural poor have no nearby physical or mental healthcare and terrible schools, and certainly no higher education. Social Darwinism at work again, because rural is considered "less than." In any regard, not just economic, those who have less are considered as BEING less.
The ubiquitous narcissism in our culture disgusts me and makes me also battle against misanthropy. I have seen people who genuinely care about others and devote their lives to selfless service. The candidate I support also gives me hope. That ugly element certainly exists, and sees greed and selfishness as natural or even beneficial, but it isn't the whole of our population.
Highly extroverted NTs (I call them HENTs) would never understand ASD or social anxiety. I actually was diagnosed with ASD at 31, but I don't think it's accurate. I was in a bad place mentally at the time and while I do have some traits ( my whole family does), I don't think I'm all the way on the spectrum. I tend to think of the figurative before the literal, and I can read facial expressions and body language even though I was a slow learner (I grew up pretty isolated). But I do have hyper-sensitive hearing, have had some bad meltdowns, and have always thought in a way that's very different from others. The social situations you were part of were created by and for HENTs. They WILL navigate them with ease, and cast out those who can't swim along.
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I also have donated for the first time to a political candidate. He has the most donations, both net money amount plus amount of donators. The people in his campaign are very different from people whom I have met at meetups.
There is no middle class here. People are in one of two camps--either one is making six figures, usually $200000+, sometimes millions, or one is very poor, living in a tent on the street. It really is a binary thing, there is nothing much in the middle. I have no friends here, because all of my old friends from school have moved out voluntarily or been evicted due to being unable to pay rent. Most people who live here are very well off, although many are struggling. $200000 is considered a "marginal" salary. Average rent now is between $3500-$6000 per month. I have met some people who pay even $7000 per month for a small one-bedroom flat Downtown. And as you say, affluence from the millionaire class brings a lot of a superiority complex and looking down on the poor people. Some people have made fun of me telling me to go on welfare and stuff. Since they make $400000 per year or whatever, they often slag on me. I get passive-aggressive insults for not wearing expensive designer clothes, or the fact that I do not own a suit. The famous saying is that money cannot buy happiness. I would add that money cannot buy manners nor good character.
I think that one of the reasons for the dating pool to be as it is, is that most males who move to San Francisco are almost invariably IT workers. I would say that well over 90% of all males moving to San Francisco are connected with IT in some way or another. However, most females moving to San Francisco are usually in finance, real estate or some other monied field. By virtue of males in IT, the males in the city have a higher than average incidence of ASD. However, the females seem to have a lower than average incidence of ASD. So now I can see that perhaps the fact that neurotypical women are meeting IT guys who may or may not have ASD, and someone like me who is not in IT but still has the disorder, relationships rarely work out and there is a lot of animosity between genders in the overall dating scene.
The women who are in finance, hotel management, business, etc. tend to be more on the extrovert side, as well as more on the hard partying side. I have extremely rarely met an introverted woman in this city, if I had to guess perhaps one, maybe two at the very most in all of my time living here. Like the last time that I went on a date in August 2019, she could with great ease navigate in any social situation. To me it was like seeing a genie work magic. When I stutter or screw up my speech when talking, it often raises eyebrows. They know right away that I am not socially adept. I have been told that perhaps because I am an only child, I grew up very socially awkward. This may be somewhat true, but I think that even if I had siblings, I would still have grown up awkward. In Europe however, in my experience there seems to be a lot of introverted women. Of course there are a lot of extroverted ones in Europe as well, but introverts are not bashed on a regular basis for being out of the norm.
Social Darwinism is in play here. Poor people are being kicked out of their housing due to unable to pay rent, and end up homeless. We already have the highest homeless population in the entire Western World, and it is just increasing more and more. But a lot of IT people especially support kicking poor people out of their homes. It means that rich people who move here can take their spot in buying properties where poor people's homes used to be. I find that sick and seriously lacking empathy. People with ASD are often accused of lack of empathy, but what about neurotypical rich people who hate poor people so much that they would rather make poor people homeless?
I hear Social Darwinism in dating too. People do not want a partner who is a "7" because a "7" would make their children be less than the best when they grow up. Or that being with a "7" in public would ruin their reputation for settling for someone like that. They want a partner who is 8, 9 or 10. Not even considering if they themselves are 8, 9 or 10. I can only imagine what women who only want an 8+ would think of someone like me. Or rather, I should probably not even think about it, since I would not date someone like that anyway.
I think that there are different levels of ASD. If I understand correctly Level 1 is Asperger's, or high-functioning. Probably we are both in that category. In any case, the neurotypicals do handle social situations with remarkable grace and tact. I know over five languages to either advanced or near-native level, and a few others to high-intermediate, but trying to speak "neurotypical" is something that I have failed to do and seem to have a lot of trouble with. I am learning non-related languages such as Russian and Farsi right now. Both are difficult for me, but much easier compared to speaking NT.
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