Things are bad. Really bad. I’m not going to be discharged by Christmas as Christmas is a major trigger. I’m barely managing not getting locked up. I’m so emotional. Finally I’ve told my Mum why Christmas is bad (I was abused every Christmas growing up). She was upset but supportive. I know she blames herself so I don’t want to add to that burden.

Why it has all hit me after having that injection and conversion with my T is uncertain. I think talking about it was the trigger, but it had to be talked about as the flashbacks were bad. I have strong SI but would never in my right mind do this to my loved ones at Christmas.
I can’t stop crying. I feel overwhelmed. The nurses are being very supportive but my pdoc never shows up, and he knows how much it does my head in when he promises to show but doesn’t. He’s lost my trust again.

I’m allowed out for a few hours with my Mum as they know I would never run with her there as cause her that distress. At least while still in my right mind. I’m scared I’m going to snap soon tough. I’m scared.