After struggling with finding a therapist that worked well for me and procrastinating a lot, I was finally able to contact a new therapist and have just finished my third meeting with them. I was diagnosed with "double depression" (having both persistent and major depression) and therapist told me treatment would most likely be psychotherapy, and meds if I wanted.

I am honestly a bit scared of starting actual treatment. I have lived with depression for most of my life it seems and I don't know what my personality is like and who I am without the gloomy overtones. I honestly feel like maybe I would be okay if just the major depression was treated and I could just be dysthymic forever. I don't know if I'm just scared of change or what. I'm also scared of meds because it seems like the people I know irl who are on them for depression either get a lot of side effects or become dependent and can no longer regulate their moods without them. I'm scared of both possibilities. Does anyone have insight or reassurance about this?