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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: where it's rainier.
Posts: 109
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Dec 20, 2019 at 05:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I hate myself
Most of the time thoughts of me
Ugh I hate them so much 🤬😭 I wish I never had them |
My Grandma used to tell me cussing was bad and she'd tell me these fantasy stories of how God, or Saint Nick would punish me for ever using cuss words. Fourth grade. The day would start fine, I'd be doing normal things and then suddenly I'd get these awful, bloody images of stabbing people and throwing them in front of the train, then I'd hear cuss words, over and over again, and I'd try to silence them. The more I tried, the worse it would get. And so I figured cussing was something that everyone did, as in, it would happen. Accidentally. Why strap myself to a chair in fear I might hurt someone? Why stress over the fear of saying a bad word? And so I let things play out. I'd tell myself this will pass. And undoubtedly, I was the only one to hear my own thoughts — my Grandma couldn't, my folks couldn't. I could be the executioner or the healer.
Don't hate yourself, communicate with yourself instead — try to understand what you are trying to tell yourself. Let the other fears seep out and leave you. Then you'll be alone and free 
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