Last two sessions have been in silence. I guess T is tired of doing all the talking, and finds my session to take a break. I am hurt. I am pissed off. I am damn angry. I cant stand the silence. After first seeion told her i am uncomfortable with silence. And was told to sit with that uncomfortableness. This was thur text. As much as i get what she is trying to do, i feel distant, abandoned. Again this is how silence feels, she has not done anything but sit there, and here i am stirred up with anger, hurt, abandonment and about to quit therapy. Yesterday was the 2nd appt. I walked out after 30 min, but returned because i was in tears, was able to say i dont know why i am so upset. I cant do what she wants me to do, and sit there and describe and explain what i feel and experience. Its been 6 years, well start of 7th year Dec 5th...
Even if i go back jan 2nd i am not sure i will be the same. I already feel deeply hurt. And been having a lot of connection issues, and this just makes me want to disconnect from her. I actually feel i hate her. I dont plan on emailing or texting her over the next two weeks, which will be very very difficult. I know this is from a very deep emotional place, and some old feelings of rejection, abandonment, hurts, and people that have actually used the silent treatment on me, and its its overwhelmingly painful. If i am unable to get myself to leave Jan 2, maybe our silence, if it continues, i will just write. Not sure i will leave it for after each session or not give to her at all. Thanks for letting me vent