definitely hard... one of the reasons i decided to do something long term in therapy was to solve that. i mean, not getting very close with people wasn't working, obviously. i have long term friendships, one for over 30yrs, but none of them live close to me. Even with those friends i tend to compartmentalize more than i think is good.. meaning they get what they want or need but i end up feeling like i dont get to be fully me. i believe people wont stay or will treat me badly if they got to know the real, whole me. i want to fix that belief.. i want to work on the things which gave me that belief.

i want... even though it seems like drinking poison... i want to actually like myself, even a little. i want to try to accept myself... that over-the-top, flamboyant, outrageous side, and the deep thinking, compassionate, quiet side... and all the good and ugly in between.