Thank you, lonelyman
I deleted the post because i was feeling really bad when i wrote, and used this thread as a diary
I better write on paper

Yes, everyone makes mistakes

In 2017 i probably did the most non-sense yet painful thing I've ever done in all my life

I wish there was some kind of supernatural force to talk to, ask question, cry
For the first time in my life, I feel so bad

I use to fix what i could, to fight... but this is just a lost battle, a black-hole in my life and the life of the people who meet me two years ago and past...

I've always been a mostly quiet and patient, but i completely lost control in this 2-3 years and it was so painful

Sorry this thread is just non-sense
I can't explain in detail because it is too complicated

Thanks anyway