Well my pdoc didn’t send me to a locked ward. Instead he chemically restrained me. It worked but now I have another day to face. Starting with coffee and I will take it from there. My pdoc will be in later to assess me. SI is already coming back but I slept well. Living hurts so much. I hope it passes as people say. I don’t know what to believe. For now I will keep breathing and see what happens.

Thanks so much for everyone’s support. It helps more than you could realise. I’m so alone in here most of the time but I do have a friend visiting on Monday.

Just saw my pdoc. The staff are to keep an eye on me all day. They are getting a jigsaw puzzle ready for me to keep me occupied. I’m not sure if I’m seeing my parents today. It will be a relief to be honest with them. They know I was abused for years as a child but don’t know that right now I am processing my rage at not being protected. They didn’t know I was being abused at the time. They are not monsters. They just failed to see all the warning signs. I know they will never forgive themselves so I don’t know if bringing it up now now are 70 years old is the best thing to do. Saying that, they are not stupid and have probably figured it out.
So today I’m working on a jigsaw puzzle and laying low. I don’t think I will go out. I don’t feel safe to at this time.

Will update later. I’m finding it hard to gather words together. Basically, I’m hurting so much and have high SI. Lots of distraction today.