I slept all of the morning only to be woken and told I have to move rooms. This is the third time I have moved. Once the air con broke, another I can't recall, and the third my neighbour was fixated on me and coming into my room. Now it is because I am closer to the nurses so can be monitored more easily by using less of their precious time. I understand and am ok with this recent move but I was just so exhausted and was sleeping so well it was making me feel better. This is kind of my pdoc's last ditch effort to keep me safe in an open ward. We both know being locked up will cause me harm - but so will dying.

I have been very emotional. It is like the dam that was holding back most of the pain in my life has burst. It hurts like hell, and makes me feel vulnerable but I also feel like this is progress. Holding back such powerful emotions, and pretending to be fine has come at a great cost. Now I feel relief when I weep. I was also able to have an honest discussion with my Mum about this and she was so supportive. Although I just fell off of a very high cliff I sense great inner healing is taking place because of it. Finally I have let go. Finally I am letting myself be me. I no longer have strong compulsions to kill myself. Instead I want to be real and authentic.

Don't get me wrong I am a mess. I just sense shift towards genuine sustainable healing. I am learning to let go of things that I no longer need, that harm me, and hold tight to the good. I am finally safe. The only person who can harm me now is me, and I will do all that is in my power to never do that.

I am in a weird kind of place. So difficult to describe. Something powerful is taking place. Thanks to all who have been supporting me in many ways. It means the world to me.