I really wanted to email you today about my dad not coming to see us this christmas. I'm sad because I think he might die this year. I haven't spent Christmas with him for 20 years. I'm only 34. He is my only parent. It hurts and he doesn't know the first thing about it. I am halfway between being angry with him about how thoughtless he is, how he forgets he is my only parent and concentrates on the (adult) daughter he has with his current partner, and also just sad because he has this big operation coming up and I have the same sense of foreboding I had before my mother died. I think this is it. I wish I could email you but I want you to enjoy your break.