You mentioned here a couple of self defeating beliefs. My best advice would be to address those. You often post about how others are controlling your experience. You are in control. Take back your power.

You are useful and you have infinite potential. You are what you choose to be in each moment. You are not your past and you are not whatever others have judged you to be. You are what you believe you are. Your beliefs define the present.

You cannot control others. You can only control yourself. You can control whether or not you are adding to your feelings of abuse by breaking yourself down. Do not contribute to the problem you wish to resolve through self abuse. You can control whether or not you walk with confidence and pride of if you carry shame, a victim mentality or whatever.

Bullies often select what they perceive to be easy targets. This is an unfortuante truth as nobody deserves abuse. Ever. However, bullies carry tremendous fear and they seek the weak as a result. They do not target the strong because they fear the resistance they will encounter. They fear being exposed.

You don't have to be a bad person to stand up for yourself. There is a difference between strong and mean. You are not mean. You are not cruel. You are a bear and bears can be strong. Bears have every right to stand up and growl when they need to.

Maybe consider planting beliefs for yourself that you are strong and kind. The two compliment each other beautifully. Plant beliefs that you are useful and worthy. Plant beliefs that you can be of service and that others can offer you the same kindness. Plant beliefs that abuse may have been your past, but it will not be your present. Plant beliefs that you have every right to experience the best humanity has to offer. Walk tall with beliefs like that. Growl when you need to growl, but do it with the love and grace of a teddy bear. A fuzzy bear.

I am a very firm believer that change comes from within. Shift yourself and the world shifts around you. Our beliefs limit our perception and experiences. Start there. There will still be abusers out there. There will still those that misuse their power. Their affect on you will lessen though over time if it is your belief that they have nothing else they can take from you. When you stay focused on yourself and just be the very best you can be, you have the power. You can grow and grow that way. Sometimes they will steal. Sometimes they will strike. Sometimes they will knock you down. It doesn't matter if you know who you are and you love yourself. You will rise every time.