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Old Dec 21, 2019, 02:09 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul View Post
I am a people pleaser since my childhood. People have walked over my boundaries all the time.As a child I was helpless,and brain washed and programmed to be people pleaser.My day started and ended with servitude. Friends and relatives took long vacations to our parents household I became the host as a child while adults enjoyed themselves. Even some of those so called nice friends of my dad are not even nice to me .They were predators. Now I try to enforce some boundaries. Like recently I had to visit a funeral with my parents.I was getting dressed in my room.My mom comes and whispers I should wear something else.Her suggestions were inappropriate for the occasion. I said no,she yelled at me immediately, Omg,you are so against cultural norms.You always were like that,blah ,blah..........Some people were sitting in the living room.They must be thinking I was the one dressing inappropriate and my mom was correcting me.In reality I was dressed for a funeral and her whispering suggestion was to dress like a party goer.How to enforce boundaries with such toxic people and how to stand your ground.I do try hard now to do that.
I’m sorry you went through all that . My FOO (family of origin) were and are very toxic. It’s very hard for me to open up about that . I have usually come across to most casual observers, or even others as “a very quiet person” and also I am a ‘people pleaser” . So yes, I have been ideal fodder for too many abusers. . I will never forgot that horrible horrible man who abused me in my own house as a newly wed . He had put me up when I had nowhere to live despite having extremely affluent and apparently “intelligent’ parental units.. I was still a cub inside and was even chronologically “too young” to be abandoned in such a callous way. If the parental units had believed in some sort of “tough love” potentially being “transformative in a postive way” ... well ... I do have a lot of empathy for others which the rest of the “family” do not . So possibly it was “transformative” but not in the way they may have intended. But mostly they could not be bothered with me (and that started when I was born ) tmi. I don’t know why I’m sharing this
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