Quote:
Originally Posted by Serpentine Leaf
People who think they have something to lose in a society that's more egalitarian need to really think about their privileges. Yet so many will get offended or even angry if you point out their vast privilege. Stratification is certainly nothing new--it's as old as civilization itself--but as wealth gets concentrated into fewer and fewer hands, so does power.
Placing human lives at the level of a collection of numbers is ubiquitous; that isn't your area alone. Some people even call that being objective.
Just scroll through these forums and you'll see how ubiquitous certain issues are. Low self-esteem, loneliness, social isolation, lack of meaning or purpose in our lives, growing inequality, fear of a future that almost guarantees global war/climate change/treatment-resistant pandemic, and a sense of powerlessness and futility. All over the world people are bitterly, even violently divided. People turn to substances, extremism of religion or politics, hate groups, or cults, all to gain what's missing and try to gain control. My chosen candidate is the only one speaking of a crisis of belonging that underlies so much of what's going on in the world, and he's 100% right.
It isn't just you or your ASD that made you think you were the only one suffering form self-esteem issues and trauma from so many negative social interactions. Reading through the forums, any of them, and you'll see that EVERYBODY ends up thinking this way. The self-compassion exercises I found on here have helped me restructure this in my mind to it being part of the shared human experience. Thinking of it this way makes it impossible for pain to feel isolating.
Please don't insult yourself by calling yourself dense. You already get too many insults from other people; don't do it to yourself too or you'll never heal. Everybody on the spectrum needs clearer instruction when it comes to social stuff. Hints and vague implications won't get through, and that isn't your fault. You can't beat yourself up for having a brain that's structured differently.
Literal interpretation of words is gold-standard ASD, especially for males. That's one reason I think I'm subclinical rather than fully on the spectrum; I tend to interpret the figurative before the literal and I enjoy humor, so long as it's clever, and I love subtle plays on words (but no silly puns). I never had issue understanding sarcasm or making eye contact. Actually, I find it hard not to make eye contact, and in some areas making accidental eye contact with somebody is considered a hostile act and I've had some uncomfortable experiences as a result. This quality in you is not weird in the context of ASD. Please pay careful attention in how you speak to yourself. I did this too and once I stopped, I was amazed at how much better I felt. Please check out the self-compassion website if you have not done so.
Self-Compassion
Body language and facial expression are hard for most people on the spectrum, and something I have struggled with too, both understanding it myself and others. Watching some TED talks on it, and skilled actors like Natalie Portman and Eddie Redmayne, have helped me to understand it a little better. |
It is clear that those who make six figures and millions whom I meet deeply despise people like me, and they absolutely do find it offensive when I make a point that they are not better or worse than anyone else just for their money, nor am I better or worse than anyone else. But their argument is always the same--they are some special "innovative" genius who deserves tax write-offs and to treat poorer people (like me) like scum. That guy is a rocket scientist who is probably a millionaire. I tell him, so what. I have three STEM degrees: one in biology, one in mathematics and one in chemical engineering, and plan to get another one in medicine. There is no logical reason that he is a "better", smarter or more "worthy" person than I am just because he has more money. Yet they will tell me, well I hate when my income goes to poor people. Too bad, suck it up, I would tell them. Crying about paying more in taxes to benefit the "peasants" is hardly cause for me to feel sympathy for them in this case. This might be another big reason why I have huge difficulties getting along with people here--a working class person mingling amongst people who brag about their money and profession and wear designer dresses and three-piece suits on a Sunday afternoon is probably not going to see eye-to-eye.
I like the slogan, "Not me, us." I think that sums up a lot of my philosophy as well. However, most people whom I meet think, "Not you, me." It really is the polar opposite of what I believe. "Me, me, me" and "***** the rest" is a very pervasive attitude here, amongst all ages. People really like money and status. Status can be in every single characteristic. Just like how being a person who has had multiple relationships and sex has "high status", someone like me, a virgin at 30, is said to have "low status". It is just an arbitrary game. It is a pity that it took me so many years to figure this out. But better late than never.
I also get lambasted for wearing his campaign shirt. I get called all sorts of names and often verbal arguments. They say that I make them pay taxes for lesser people like myself.
I think that I never realised that a lot of other people could be feeling the same thing about self-esteem. Where I am it seems like the vast majority of people have a lot of self-esteem, perhaps even too much since a lot of people are ruthlessly arrogant and self-absorbed. Their self-esteem is so excessive that they think that they are godlike and are better than everyone else for no logical reason.
You are probably right. I am very self-depreciating. I probably take humility too far and put myself down instead. I subconsciously insult myself, sometimes I barely notice it. Thanks for the self-compassion link.
I do notice that people here lack empathy. I know that the generalisations of ASD is a lack of empathy; however I have met so many neurotypicals who blatantly like an iota of empathy. They "other" people on a regular basis, if someone for example has no health insurance or has a bad health insurance plan like I do, then they just say, "So what? I can afford. ***** those who cannot." I do notice that online some people who moved to San Francisco have written that empathy for your fellow human is very much lacking in many here in this city. It is not without reason that my parents both say that this city is no longer the city that they once knew when they were younger decades ago.
Looking back now, I think that all of the women whom I have tried going on a date with were lacking a lot of empathy. If I revealed something that were not in the mainstream, e.g. not only the virginity and being single, but also in terms of my world views, my hobbies, etc., they do not understand me or even think that perhaps that I am just different but equal like everyone else--they usually think or tell me explicitly that I am a weirdo and a reject. So I think that I just happened to meet ones who did not respect me not only as a date, but also just as a human being.
I think that the ASD brings out a test in people. When I went on dates, I noticed that ASD, in their minds, is a big sign of weirdness. So I got cast as a weirdo just for that. Anyone who is not extroverted, talkative, gregarious, flails their hands and arms around whilst talking and is really animated like the super neurotypicals whom you see at nightclubs and on reality TV, that the person is just too weird. A pity that I have never had a date that were not like this. But at least now I know to find out first if the woman has basic empathy before agreeing to go out with her.