This morning I had the most vivid dream. I was in a health clinic as an employee riding in the elevator with other staff. The elevator had glass walls as did the building so there was a lot of natural sunlight. The elevator was going down and stopped at a floor.

Right before the elevator doors opened, it started to vibrate really violently and I forced the doors open with my bare hands. Then I ran out while the elevator continued to vibrate with everyone else still standing inside it, not fleeing. I turned back and motioned for everyone to get off but they wouldn't listen to me.

Then, I ran down the hall and as I did, I felt heat on my back from the elevator exploding.

elevator - represent our actions and our emotional state of mind. Since I was descending in the elevator with complete strangers, I feel powerless in my real life; trapped by my current circumstances of no job, no savings, no rent for January, no job prospects.

But the fact that I pried open the elevator doors by myself without anyone helping me, shows that I am ready to confront parts of my subconscious mind (via career assessments for one, personality assessments also) to address why I am in a constant state of flux and not successful.

The symbolism of descending in the elevator is that I feel like my living situation with my roommate is bringing me down, as is not having a full-time job with savings for emergencies like not working, not budgeting my money from my 6 week temp job to save for January's rent b/c I used it to pay for December's rent instead.

I feel like this dream was definitely me confronting my shadow side of my unconscious mind. I also think it is ironic the setting of the dream was in a health clinic. I mean, HELLO SYMBOLISM. Health clinic.

I have been ignoring my mental and physical health since June, despite occasionally going to walk-in counseling centers, or coming here and posting in threads and responding to PC members' feedback, I haven't really taken the steps to release all the anger, fear, and anxiety I have towards myself for putting myself in my situation.

The claustrophobia and me prying the doors open without the help from the other elevator riders is that I'm sick and tired of the dead ends that I create for myself socially, financially, and professionally due to my responses to situations, and my attitude in certain circumstances.

explosion - Explosions in dreams symbolize repressed emotions. Since the elevator is a symbol of a powerful force outside myself, when it exploded, I think that symbolized my anger, fear, and anxiety about constantly hitting dead ends despite my efforts to get myself out of my living situation, my financial situation, and my social situation. I think the explosion symbolized those 3 repressed emotions;

my anger at my roommate for not taking care of herself and putting me in a caregiver role until I decide not to offer her help anymore and just pay her sister my rent and ignore her and go about my business.

my anger at not being able to find a full-time job and deal with age bias with the temp agency recruiters who are 20 years younger than me, or the younger recruiters with companies I apply to jobs for, who won't even give me the chance to interview b/c of my age.

my fear that I will never escape this rut that I find myself in.

Explosions in dreams also signify crises like my financial crisis getting worse b/c of the county resources that rejected my applications based on their income guidelines.

So, I think this dream this morning was me processing everything that's happened in the recent weeks.