You wrote and told me you could add me to a cancellation list if i wanted, I didn't reply and say no because I knew you would say "Ok see you next week" and then I would just feel so rejected. That is probably not logical. It's not your fault things are hard but why can't you ever be there when they are? First October you were away for most of it and not there during my illness relapse and now this. it's not your fault but I'm tired of dealing with things alone.