It sounds like you personally would benefit from your own therapy.

I find it sad that after 25 years there is still no transparency and no direct communication.

Isn’t he also texting and meeting up with his ex? Then he wants to move out? I’d probably tell him to go ahead. Don’t walk on egg shells. If he wants space, give him space but personally if my husband suggested to move out, I’d be done. Him blaming you for his issues is a new low.

Do you have kids, they must be grown. Or you have kids at home? It complicates things then