Hello Outsider: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you have had to endure all of this difficulty. I myself am an older person. But in my own way I can relate a lot to what you wrote. Reading your post brought back quite a few difficult memories.

You asked several questions at the end of your post. We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So all I can offer you is my personal opinion... for what it's worth. You asked if it's possible your past could have any effect on you possibly developing BPD (realizing you haven't actually been diagnosed as having it... at least not yet.) I don't think anyone really knows for certain what causes a person to develop BPD. But certainly I think it's likely your childhood experiences would have had some impact on your mental health, whatever the diagnosis might be. (I've never been diagnosed as having BPD either. But I have thought, sometimes, that it was possible I might have been diagnosed as having had it when I was younger.)

You asked if what you experienced would be considered emotional / psychological abuse & if the criticism you received as a child affected your mental health. I can't speak to that authoritatively. But I noticed your post was moved, by Admin, from the New Members Introductions forum here to the Childhood Emotional Neglect forum. So I think that perhaps speaks, to some extent, to how your childhood experiences might be viewed. Plus, of course, it sounds as if you endured some bullying in school as well.

How are you supposed to help yourself? I see that mental health therapy has already been suggested. And I would certainly support that idea. I think the way to help yourself is to find a mental health therapist you feel comfortable with & work with that person to delve into what you experienced growing up, what it has done to you, & how you can recover from it. You wrote you feel exhausted & as though your whole life is ruined. But I would like to assure you healing is possible. The thing is, though, you have to go out & do what needs to be done to make it happen. It's not going to come to you. Signing in here on PC is a good first step. The next step is to go out & find the in-real-life mental health treatment you need.

My best wishes to you. And I hope you find PC to be of benefit.