Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander
This morning I was hoping to have leave to go to the beach with my parents and niece. Unfortunately, and annoyingly. my pdoc hasn't shown up or called to give me leave so I am stuck in hospital. It is only 7.30 am but the sea breeze is coming in at midday cooling the air and whipping up waves. Not fun for snorkelling.
I feel so isolated. I have been IP for three weeks now. It seems I had a paradoxical reaction to the injection so it made my PTSD worse. I have been a mess. I am trying to be strong, and think positively but I am still drowning. I sucks that I will be IP on Christmas Day, but hopefully I will be allowed out for a bit. Hopefully I will be discharged after Christmas too. My pdoc wants to monitor me over the Christmas period to make sure I am safe. I just don't want to spend NYE in here as well.
I think I am improving. I feel my biggest problem is my social isolation. I have few friends, and those I rarely catch up with. I have no job to go to and be around people, and am not currently studying. So, most of my time is spent alone. Too much time to think. I do have a wonderful family, but they are also my greatest trigger. However, some great therapeutic work has made it much easier to be around them. I am really looking forward to Christmas and seeing my family. I feel so alone in my hospital room for hours on end. My heart aches with grief from my past, but it is good grief. A healing kind of grief. Next year is the beginning of a new decade. I have hope it is the beginning of the best phase of my life. Even though I still have strong SI I am fighting to make that true.
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I am really glad you seem to be feeling a bit better--that is fantastic. Sorry your doc didn't show, but it sounds like conditions aren't great at the beach anyway.
I once spent a very long time in the hospital. Considerably more than a year. A lot more. I had one regular visitor the entire time I was there. Very grateful for him. Holidays were tough. But I made myself get busy. I wrote a book. I read many books. I exercised, even if it just meant walking the halls. I tried to get to know the staff, at least the nice ones. And most were nice. I also did what you are doing and kept in touch with people by web or text. All those things together helped me make it through.
The other thing I would suggest to you is to try to remember when you can that this is a long-term thing, not a short-term thing. Meaning, yes, it sucks that you will be in-hospital over Christmas, but you are making an investment in your future right now. What you are doing is important. So, don't forget that when you get down about being isolated in the hospital at the moment. This is just a chapter, not the whole book.