Wander, I am so sorry you have to spend Christmas IP. I did once too and while it was hard it was also good for me because I was just too sick to handle the whole family thing. I think if I had tried to do the routine I would have carried out my active plan.

But.......here's my hope for you. I got out about Dec. 30 and while I had a long way to go and was on a complicated safety plan for a long time the next year changed things for me forever. I had bad PTSD that was compounding my bipolar so much and in the months after the hospital I was able to reach a point I could handle an intense PTSD therapy (a type of exposure therapy). It was very hard and took me much longer and many more sessions to get through it than the average person but I did it and I survived and PTSD has not been a major player for me since. Even when my father died this year (an abuser) the PTSD was mild, something I truly didn't expect. I just learned the coping skills I needed and they work.

I hope the same happens for you and that things turn around for you and stay that way. There is hope.