Hello That1guy: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Addictions forum, here on PC, may be one you'll want to take a look at. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/addictions/

At the end of your post you asked "how you go into a room with some up tight doctor and explain your broken..." You know... the bottom line here is you just do it. I'm 71 years old! And, without going into a lot of detail, I'll tell you I managed to keep my head above water, as the saying goes, until around the age of 50. Until that time I would never have even considered sitting in a room with some "uptight doctor" to explain I was broken. But there comes a point where you simply have to do what you have to do.

There's no secret formula for reaching out. You just do it... because there simply is no other option except... well... you know... And sooner or later, the chances are you'll reach that point... that point where you've hit rock bottom & there's simply nowhere further to fall. The questions are... are you there yet & if not will you do what you have to do to save yourself & your family before you do actually hit rock bottom? Coming here to PC is a good first step. The next is to reach out in real life for the help you need.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that talk about suicidal thoughts & how to cope with them:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

My best wishes to you & your family. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here's a link to a podcast, also from PC's archives, on finding the courage to change:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcas...om-to-know-how